Bastard...
...Inside. Of course!
...outside!
Mummmm...He said a bad word!

A butterfly hovers around your television that's showing a documentary on Swedish natural beauty. Who's being the bastard?
The TV for taking the piss out of the butterfly...
The Swede who's making fun of you...
You who's beating the shit out of the butterfly.

There's an earthquake and you're at the office. What do you do?
Help you colleagues down the stairs "Ignoring" that it was the first stucture to collapse.
You take advantager of the moment and vandalize the snack dispenser.
Rescue the tropical fish by flushing them down the toilet.

Your girlfriend or boyfriend likes exotic animals. It's her/his birthday. What do you get:
A Black Widow (without a cage, obviously)
A Giant hamster from the Andes (A great devourer of mothers-in-law)
A two-headed Gavial (that way you'll have her crocodile shoes for next year's birthday squared away)

What does a Bastard Inside do on Saturday nights?
Goes out and gets hammered with his mates.
Goes out and gets drunk alone.
Stays at home and gets drunk with Oprah.

You can't find Cuddles, your girlfriend's cat. Where is he?
He was left in the freezer from the last time you ate turnip ice cream during the 98 World cup.
He's on the high tension line outside . The one you used with the pitbull's help.
He's all cozy on the freshly washed hood of your car...but not for long!

Already? It's Christmas time againa and you have to spend it with your in-laws who obviously hate for having taken away their graceful daughter while she was about to marry that nice young man they were so fond of.
"It's lovely joining up like this at this time of year! Everything's the same. Nothing's changed! The grandparents both died in the summer. Your father-in-law is now a vegetable and they've had to move to a much smaller house and as for your son-in-law...well isn't it just terrible how he just blew all that money gambling?" Their hate rises.
"Listen, I know you all hate me but can't you just turn a blind eye?" They're all blind.
You eat in silence. They hate people who are too quiet.

A really Bastard Inside song:
"The Asshole Song" by Denis Leary
"Eat you alive" by Limp Bizkit
"This is the new SHIT" by Marilyn Manson

Before ending...what did you think of the test?
It really sucked balls.
Monica Bellucci's left tit.
That it was AWESOME!

Okay for this one you've got the okay on everything. Just choose an answer that best sums you up.
Monica Bellucci's left tit.
Surely...
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