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     The perfect Mum. 
    Maria Montessori or Sarah Connor? What kind of Mother are you? Do the test and find out.

    You have to do the laundry after a hard day's work:
    First you check that there are no animals or kids in the tank...then you divide the colours and the whites and select their designated cycle. When the spin cycle kicks you let all the farts that you'd been holding in all day at work rip like thunder.
    Laundry doesn't bother you, it's written in ever woman's DNA. You do more than one load and in order to not disturb your husband, who's watching TV, you skip the spin cycle and rinse the clothes out by hand.
    The washing machine is off-limits to you in prison. It is often a focal point of your intensive psycho-therapy and your therapist has suggested no washing machines.

    The baby sitter has mono and she's told you with with only a few hours notice that she won't be able to stay with your kids during the weekend; the weekend you'd been planning for three months in order to fire up your dying sex life with your husband.
    Drop your kids off at your mother's telling her that you've been called in to donate some bone marrow for some unknown transplant of some unheard of organ for a survivor of a horrible chemical leak in Cuba.
    Give up your romantic get-away without much of a fuss. He's your son after all. You'd feel too bad dropping him off at some friend's door like some parcel.
    Who cares about the kid...you've left him alone so many times, he hardly recognizes you anymore. You tell him not to move from the couch and that if he even makes a peep or if he breaks anything to catch your neighbour's attention, you'll wrap him up in plastic wrap and throw him out with the trash.

    What do you normally make your kid for breakfast?
    You haven't got enough time to make him anything but you do give him a fiver to get something at the caffe...and a tenner to keep him from blabbing to his dad and that witch of a mother-in-law.
    As usual you've been up since 6 in order to prepare your little darling a healthy and wholesome breakfast made up of fresh orange juice, toast with jam, eggs and bacon and freshly baked biscuits with his milk. You also let him choose his dinner from the list of possibilities.
    Breakfast doesn't exist for you...neither does most of the day. It is only when you wake up for dinner that you wonder why your son is late home from school only to realise that he was taken away by social services last week.

    It's bed time and your kid asks you to tell him a bed time story.
    You use your secret weapon and jump to the end of the story when you see his eye lids falling, but then he catches you and you start changing the stories like using your mother-in-law's name for the witch's, the knight in shining armour becomes gay, Snow White wipes out the dwarves and lives happily ever after eating out Cinderella. The end result: Your son's more awake than you, he gives you a look and asks you if you're on the rag.
    You make him say his prayers, tuck him in and let him choose his story for the night, you read his favourite from Mother Goose and stroke his head until he's asleep.
    You remember that your son has just been taken away from you and you get pissed drunk.

    When you think about your kid's future your first thought is:
    Let's hope he doesn't turn out like out that knob of his dad!
    Whatever becomes of him, I'll be proud!
    I hope he finds a good dealer!

    When you look at your kid what do you think?
    Let's hope he grows up big and strong!
    He's perfect!
    I wonder who his dad is?

    Your son has just asked his dad where babies come from and his dad sent him to you to ask what foreplay is:
    You tell him that they are affectionate gestures between man and woman (very appreciated by the former and not very received by the latter). You then send him to your husband to ask him whether size counts.
    You tell him that they are little kisses and caresses that you and your husband exchanged when conceiving him and that they are very important in the conception process. You then tell him that some depraved men over value some aspects of foreplay but that his father doesn't fall in this category.
    You tell him that you've never heard of the word. You search your memory and then you tell him that you imagine that it's putting on a condom. You consider the beatings all part of sex.

    Your kid comes up to you in tears with his favourite teddy bear's arm torn off.
    You break into somethig straight from ER. You give the bear mouth-to-mouth, you put it on a drip, you unstitch it with a set of keys and sew back on the arm while asking your son to wipe the sweat from your brow after all the efforts of fighting the temptation of sewing the arm back between the bear's legs.
    You tell your son not to worry and say that his teddy's not suffering. You quickly sew back on the arm and promise him a nicer one for Christmas.
    Under the effect of all the alcohol and other substances, the teddy looks like some giant mutant alien and terrorizes you. You scream at your son to get away from it and then proceed to stab the bear a few times and finish off by burning it in the kitchen. You then get sent to the nearest asylum and your son goes back to social services.

    Your son's best friend is:
    He's immaginary and comes in different colours and shapes. Sometimes it's a big rabbit called Harvey, others it's an angel called Clarence. He brings it everywhere...to the table, in the car...even in the bath. You've even started setting a place for him at table, answer his questions and ask him to look after your son when you're not there.
    Obviously his best friend is...YOU!
    It was...the Bear.






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    index


    ·A perfect lover
    ·Abducted bt aliens?
    ·Answer the boys
    ·Answer the girls
    ·Are you a babywanker?
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    ·Are you a Metal addict?
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    ·Are you a Sumo or an Ethiopian?
    ·Are you a TV addict?
    ·Are you an Italian Stallion or a damned Euro Trashian?
    ·Are you being cheated on?
    ·Are you fetish?
    ·Are you horny or a Saint
    ·Are you trendy?
    ·Bastard inside or little sweetheart?
    ·Can you live in a civil way amongst your own?
    ·Cartoons from the 80's and 90's
    ·Do you deserve to be looking at this site? Discover!
    ·Do you have existential problems ?
    ·Do you hear voices?
    ·Do you know Indiana Jones?
    ·Fashion
    ·Flipped test
    ·Free thinker
    ·From Wall Street to plain street?
    ·Homer or Lupin. Which character best personifies you?
    ·How bad are you?
    ·How lonely are you?
    ·How much do you know about The Simpsons?
    ·How much of a bastard are you?!?
    ·How psychopathic are you?
    ·How rough are you?
    ·How shy are you when it comes to farting?
    ·How useful are you to society?
    ·I read the news today, Oh boy!
    ·Is your ass clean?
    ·It's Christmas and we're al little more bastard like...
    ·Literature
    ·Loser test
    ·Perfect psycho
    ·Persotest
    ·Pink Floyd Quiz
    ·Psychosomatic
    ·Smooth, fizzy or sexy?
    ·Sunday or Monday
    ·T & N test
    ·The cool guy test
    ·The perfect Mum.
    ·The sportmanship in you!
    ·What does your room say about you?
    ·What kind of multi-tasker are you?
    ·What kind of woman are you?
    ·When will you die?
    ·Which cartoon are you?
    ·Who do want more? Football or a woman?
    ·Would you survive in a Manga?


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