You send a text to your boyfriend and he:
Answers an hour later with some lame excuse about his dog being sick or that his grandmother lost her dentures in the sink and he had to fish them out.
He answers back right away with some kind of sickly sweet greeting.
He doesn't answer.

When you go out he talks about:
His dear friends Martha, Laila, Sarah and Cindy.
His mother's new fuscia sweater
Last night's fight of which he was the hero.

At his house:
He shows you things he's bought along with tight pants, pink halter tops and little tight sweaters.
He adulates you and compliments you (Don't get too big headed, he's in it for the sex)
He jumps your bones immediately and then calls his dear friends Martha, Laila, Sarah and Cindy.

His room is:
Absolutely perfect. It looks like his Mum's room
Messy with socks everywhere, a muddy football in the corner and posters and calenders of naked women.
Covered in pictures of his dear friends (yeah them) and little pieces of paper with anonymous numbers written on them.

You're lying on the bed:
He has nicknames for you. This makes you think that he doesn't remember your name.
He looks you in the eyes and calls you Martha, Laila, Sarah and Cindy
You try in every way imaginable but he still says he won't touch you not even with a flower.

You sleep together. The morning after
He looks at you petrified, gets up and drinks a beer on the couch. he then lets out a burp that makes the walls tremble and gets dressed, leaves and slams the door.
He's pretty worn out. You try and kiss him but he's not very reactive. You think it's your bad breath.
He asks if he can put your face cream on you.

His phone rings.
The esthetician
His coach
It's Marth, Laila, Sarah and Cindy

You want to introduce him to your family
He answers "No, I don't want to...I hate meeting people's parents".
He says" Oh great! I can't wait to talk to your brother!"
He replies "Okay, but lets make it snappy".

How does he dress?
Tight ass trousers and barely visible tops
Like a slob
How his friends dress

Has he ever given you a gift?
No, his money is spent on Martha, Laila, Sarah and Cindy.
Yes, A face mask
Yes, A stuffed toy.