If a little old lady asks for your help to cross the street what do you?
You tell her that you're already late for a date with your girlfriend and you don't have the time to wait for the last existing dinosaur to become extinct.
With no hesitation you take her by the arm, entertaining her with some sweet story about your grandma and get her safely to the other side.
You're tormented by a horrible memory of that bitch of your grandma and push the old lady in front of an oncoming bus.

Your favourite food is:
Stuffed turkey like Mother's at Christmas.
Meat, preferably if hunted by you and better yet, your neighbour's dog.
Pasta with broccoli because it gives you infernal farts.

What's your best friend's quality you admire the most?
His girlfriend
He listens in good times and in bad.
I have no friends. The fewer the better.

You're given a puppy for your birthday...
You'd have prefered nothing, like the other years. You think it's annoying and useless. You starve it for a week to toughen it up. You shave it so that it doesn't shed and then after a week you put it down to save it from any other harm living with you could cause it.
You're quite pleased. They could have given you a juicer (You already have three) but you decide that it may be the source of a lot of fun. You give it your left-overs, you let it piss on your neighbours doormat and you let it sleep in your dirty laundry hamper.
You're over the moon. You make it your new best friend. You buy it the best food and you let it sleep with you in your bed.

Your favourite director is:
What do I know? I only watch Baywatch.
Dario Argento
Ingmar Bergman

You're feeling blue. You lift your spirits by:
You go to the shooting range and imagine that the target is your boss, you steal from some old ladies and kill your neighbour's little of kittens.
You go shopping at your local sex shop, fart in the elevator after some pasta with broccoli and jerk off while watching "Little house on the prarie".
Go sign up for some volunteer work, call your Mum whom you haven't heard from for the last two days and dedicate some good quality time to reading.

You're introduced to a girl. The first question you ask yourself is:
What's she interested in?
I wonder whether she gives good head...
If she's cut into little pieces, will she fit in the fridge?

You leave the off ice and you see that someone's blocked your car in the parking lot. What do you do?
It's definitely that retard, kiss-ass colleague of yours who's probably still in the off ice working over-time. You piss on his wind shield, put used condoms in his exhaust pipe, spit phlegm on his side mirrors, and smear shit on the locks. Then when you decide that you're wasting all your bodily secretions in this way, you get bored and go and have beer at a nearby pub to wait for him.
You think that it must be an honest mistake. The driver must have calculated the distances badly. You patiently wait for the driver to come back at a nearby cafe using the opportunity to drink a nice cup of tea.
You think that it was done on purpose; a conspiracy against you. In a fit of rage you grab your fire extinguisher from your car and smash in the other person's car's windshield. You then go into the nearby pub because he's surely there laughing at you and destroy the whole pub with a steel bar.

A guy asks you for directions...
You draw him a detailed map and accompany him for part of the way.
You talk to him in a made-up alien language and make sounds that lead him in completely the wrong direction.
You threaten him with his life if he doesn't stop following you.

Your favouite book is:
The Bethrothed
Every edition of Playboy bound in one volume
Satanic Verses

In your fridge it's easier finding:
Alcohol, left-over pizza, broccoli and every known form of mould.
A hearty stock of varied and healthy foods
A collection of plastic bags containing meats of unknown origins.